Today’s post, brought to you by the Vitamin E and Omega 3

Last week I saw my NP to see how I was doing on the adrenal meds since she will be gone for the whole month of September.  I’m going to start calling her by name, because she is an actual person and is a critical part of my journey so it feels strange to not use her name. 

So, here you go: Her name is Joanie and she is well on her way to becoming one of my favorite people, not just because she helps me feel alive and human.  I find her to be the kind of person who looks for joy in all things and you can’t help but be drawn to the energy she gives out.  I am so grateful I stumbled across her name and clinic.

We discussed several things during my appointment: 

Hydrocort: increased dose from 7.5 mg a day to 12 mg a day.  Now I take 7.5 mg am, 2.5 mg noon, 2.5 mg 4pm.

I was still experiencing the afternoon/evening crash on the 7.5 mg dose and in the last week since I increased to 12 mg I can definitely feel a difference in my energy during the 5-9 pm hours. I really noticed this yesterday when my husband and I were at a store.  On the drive home I glanced at the clock and was amazed to see it was almost 8 pm and I still felt pretty alert and alive.  Amazing.

When I do get tired, I still crash pretty quickly, so I have no plans to try my luck and stay out past 8:30/9. 

I’m such a party animal. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Ashwaganda Adrenal Adaptor: Now I take one capsules in the morning and one at night before I go to bed.  This is to try to extend my adrenal support during sleeping hours in hopes that morning won’t be so miserable for me.  I’m nowhere near “morning person” levels, but I have noticed the last few mornings I do feel more rested when I wake up.

Magnesium: I was taking 400 mg magnesium after breakfast with the rest of my supplements, but according to muscle testing results during my appointment, my body indicates needing this in the afternoon.  Now I take it with my 4 pm Hydrocort dose.

Flax Oil and Vitamin E: I have added Flax Oil (Omega 3) and Vitamin E to my daily regime.  This is related to the ongoing process of healing my “leaky” gut.  I have been struggling with stomach discomfort even though I have maintained a gluten free diet consistently since it was confirmed I am gluten intolerant.  It’s very strange to think about the fact that my body doesn’t work right and doesn’t get the nutrients it needs even though I feel that I have a pretty good awareness of a healthy diet.  It’s frustrating because I don’t show any results of my eating habits.  My hope is that if my energy levels continue to improve and I take the time needed to strengthen my adrenals I can return to a fitness routine, which may help my metabolism but as it is now, I’ve be instructed to avoid starting anything strenuous.  “Relaxing walks and gentle yoga” are about the only approved activities for me at this time.

I take 1 tablespoon of flax oil in fresh “green” juice I make at home with my juicer.  I decided to start juicing vegetables again at home to help my body absorb them easier than eating raw veggies because my body has to work harder to break them down. 

After discussing all my med and supplement changes our conversation turned to the always pressing issue on my mind.  I asked her what she felt was a realistic time frame to consider trying for a baby.  Her response: “Let’s stay on our current track and see where we are in a year.”  This isn’t what I hoped to hear, but honestly, I expected such.  I don’t feel confident that I have made enough progress to take the risk of trying for another pregnancy right now.  I’m not sure I have the strength to lose another one, although I said that after the second miscarriage too.

There is still a lot of work to do and I believe more will discovered in regards to my fertility issues.  There has been no change to my cycle: 23 days (like clockwork) which, by the way, results in 15-16 cycles a year.  No wonder I’m such a hormonal disaster! It’s like a rollercoaster ride I can’t get off of.  Joanie believes this is because there is a pituitary gland issue. 

On another note, this Friday, August 31, was my due date for the twins I lost in February.  I’m dreading this day as it brings up a lot of emotions for me.  I plan to take it easy and will be focusing on taking care of myself.

I have no other choice.

I love this portrait by Vladimir Volegov.  In my counseling I have been talking a lot about being a mother.  My therapist, Carole, has encouraged me to work on embracing this part of me. It is a difficult place for me to go, but this helps me picture myself as a mother. When I look at it I feel some peace. Maybe even a little joy.

Vladimir Volegov

“She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.” ― Jonathan Safran Foer, “Everything is Illuminated”