2012: Reflections on my journey so far

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I’m really tired to day. My head is fuzzy, but I’m going to try to put a couple of sentences together. I think that taking time to reflect on what has happened helps a person move forward in life.  I thought I might take some time to reflect on my health journey and how I discovered I was dealing with thyroid and other reproductive hormone issues.

A few days ago I said goodbye to a pretty wild year.  2012 was exhausting and painful but looking back I also see a great amount of progress and renewed hope.  Last year at this time I was grasping the reality that I was pregnant again and looking forward with joy and expectation. It was a very welcomed surprise and my husband and I were beyond excited to be parents. It didn’t take me long to start planning a nursery. I even started crocheting a little blanket. I knew that it was still so early but I couldn’t help but be caught up in the excitement of a new life joining our family. Fast forward to 4 weeks later and I found myself lying on an exam table while an ultra sound technician searched in quiet desperation for any signs of life in my womb. When she left the room without any explanation my husband and I sat in silence looking at each other. There just wasn’t anything to say out loud. I remember he held my hand and wiped my tears. About 15 minutes later, she put us on the phone with my Doctor who first told us we were expecting twins but that there was no sign of life.  It was a cold and dark January day and I found myself reliving the same nightmare for the third time.

The weeks following my miscarriage I remember praying and pleading that I might find some answers to my most consuming question, “why?”  The next few months I poured myself into researching the terms I’d heard my doctor use: “recurrent miscarriages” and “unexplained miscarriages.” It was all I had to go on and at some point in one of my searches I stumbled on the word “hypothyroidism.”

I read everything I could find about hypothyroidism over the next few months.  I remember pouring over the list of symptoms and feeling like I had discovered a missing piece to the last few years. It was eye opening to me think how far back I could remember experiencing several of the symptoms and yet I would doubt myself that I was making too much of it. 

I was too nervous to talk to a doctor about it.  I was afraid I wouldn’t be believed and honestly, I expected they would just tell me I was depressed and put me on depression and anxiety meds.

In March I made an appointment to see a new chiropractor as I had been experiencing some flare ups of pain in my lower back, and my left ankle I had injured a year earlier while I was trying (key word: TRYING) to get in shape so I could run a half marathon and hopefully lose some weight. About a month into my “training plan” I hurt my ankle after a run and was told I had Achilles Tendonitis. It was really painful but after a lot of physical therapy I did get the green light to start running again. I worked up to 10 miles a week (which wasn’t a lot but it was something). I was always confused by the fact that I never saw a change in the scale even though I was exercising and watching my diet. I started juicing fruits and vegetables that summer too. It was really frustrating because I really found that I enjoyed this sport and it helped ease stress and anxiety and for a little while I would feel an increase in my energy. I gave up trying to run around September of 2011.

Anyway, back to the Chiropractor appointment. I went for my first appointment and filled out a “new patient questionnaire” which asked for health history and current symptoms. I was surprised to find that the questionnaire asked about a lot of other things besides my back.  I decided to check all that applied including feeling depressed and anxious, trouble sleeping and fatigue. I also included in the notes section that I’d had 3 miscarriages. I sat down with my new doctor and he asked me a couple of questions about my back and ankle and had me stand and do a couple of exercises to measure my level of discomfort. 

The next part totally surprised me.  He pulled up a chair and sat directly in front of me.  He asked me to explain my anxiety, fatigue and depression and the miscarriages. So I told him. I told him that for as long as I can remember, I always feel tired.  Not just “I need to get to bed earlier tonight” tired but after at least 8 hours of sleep I wake up to feel knuckle dragging exhaustion by 1:00 in the afternoon.  EVERYDAY.  I told him how I find it really hard to concentrate at work or any task for that matter and that sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I don’t want to leave my house.  I explained that I wasn’t afraid or paranoid to leave my house; I just couldn’t muster the energy to walk out my door. I told him about the babies and that I had lost them all before 9 weeks and no one could tell me why.

I remember saying, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” to which he quickly replied “I do.” He said, “Robin, I think you have a thyroid condition. I can tell just by looking at your neck.”

I really don’t want to make this sound all dramatic, but when he told me this I literally burst into tears.  I couldn’t believe what he had just told me. I had been reading everything I could find and yet I struggled to believe it could be happening to me.  He let me sit there and cry and offered me a Kleenex. I said “You must think I’m crazy!  I just met you, but I have been wondering for some time if this was happening to me.  It means a lot that you just said that.”  He encouraged me to find a doctor that would prescribe desiccated thyroid, like Armour.

A month later, I met Joanie.  It’s been quite a journey that continues to bring surprises but today I increased my dose to 90 mg of Armour Thryoid.  I am hopeful that I will continue to feel better and that my other hormone and digestions issues will improve also.

On another note, I had my annual eye appointment a few weeks ago (just before Christmas) and would you believe that my vision has actually improved in my left eye from my appointment last year?  It’s a slight change, but I was very surprised to hear this considering how much work I do on the computer.  She adjusted my prescription and I just received my new contacts.  I don’t know if this could be related to being treated for hypo, but who knows!

It is amazing how everything is connected.

Looking back, I feel like I am very far away from a year ago.  I feel that my prayers were answered, which is a great blessing.  I still have no idea what may or may not happen in the future, but I know that I am making good strides in my health.

That is all I can ask for now.

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One thought on “2012: Reflections on my journey so far

  1. Oh Robin!!! I had no idea you were struggling so! I ended up on meds our jr year in college and the meds really helped. I was 23 and so tired I had to take two naps to make it through classes and choir. With meds , I have had no problems and have energy and all….I have a few issues with low estrogen but those in the past have been remedied with a cream rubbed into my upper leg. It sounds like you are on the right track but you must advocate for yourself even if people around you think you are whining. Hang in there!!! Remember the story of Hannah? God is in the business of giving us the desires of our heart IN HIS TIMING and in His way!!! Big hug and lots of love headed your way….keep blogging and venting. It’s good for us all! 😉

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