Gentle readers, I have an update for you!
On Saturday I will have been in the States for two months. During that time I’ve spoken with Don maybe five or six times due to an eight hour time difference and unpredictable work schedules. It’s been tough on both of us, we had more contact when he was deployed for four months in 2004. The other day I realized that in the business of my life here, with work and other responsibilities I hadn’t spoken to Don in over a week and really hadn’t noticed that much time had passed. It sort of freaked me out. I had to ask myself, “I do miss him, right?” I’ll be honest, I like being independent. There is something empowering knowing that I am still my own person and I can live life and thrive on my own. It is one of my greatest fears that I’ll become so dependent on someone that what defines who I am is unclear. However, this experience has taught me that I can take it to the extreme and detach from circumstances that are painful, like being separated from my husband.
If I could put all of this into words I think the best way to describe the last few months for me is as a long distance race. In Junior High school I ran track and field. I wasn’t very good (I don’t believe I ever finished in the top five) but I gained a real appreciation for the sport that has carried on to my adult years. I still enjoy running, this time just for fun. In track I ran the mile relay (a quarter mile sprint) and the 1 mile. I never liked the mile relay, probably because I don’t like sprinting especially for 400 yards! There was always a conversation going on inside of me when I would reach for the baton and begin my lap around the track that went something like this “Ugh, how big is this freaking track, anyway?” or “I really hate this race.” The last turn on the track towards the finish line was my least favorite part of the entire race. It seemed like the moment I saw the finish line my body started to shut down, my legs felt like lead and each step became harder than the last.
I enjoyed the distance races a lot more. One of my coaches told me that I made a good distance runner because I could set a steady pace and maintain it and still have energy left at the end so I could finish strong. The last few months have kind of felt like that. There have been many moments I’ve had to tell myself to “Maintain, Robin. Just keep moving forward and the end will come,” especially when I wake up at night and reach for Don’s hand that isn’t there, or at the end of a long day when all I want is one of his really good bear hugs. I do miss him. A lot. In just a few weeks Don will be here and this time apart will be behind us. I can’t wait to have my family back.
Today the movers in Germany packed up our belongs into large wooden crates which will be loaded onto a boat that will travel across the Atlantic to the east coast. Then they will be driven across the U.S. and delivered sometime in the next 2 months or so. That’s if they don’t get lost, stolen, or fall off the boat into the water (which actually happened to my friend Edith when she moved to Germany from Hawaii).
The good news is that we have an address to ship our belongings to. Last week I found a great house for us to rent (for the time being) in the Northend, (my favorite part of Boise) and our street has access to the Boise River “Greenbelt”. It was a little unnerving signing a lease on a house that Don has never seen, but I feel pretty confident that he will like the fact that he can go fishing on the Boise River which is about 5 minutes from our front door. It’s also pet friendly, and we have a good sized fenced yard that Nook will be able to explore soon.
Don and I had countless conversations about this time and why we felt it was the best plan for our long term goals. I still feel like it was worth it and things have worked out just as we hoped. I’m just glad it’s almost over!