Last night as I was going to sleep I sort of had a belated “I’M 30 YEARS OLD?!?!?” breakdown. I have no idea what triggered it since my birthday was almost 3 months ago. Don had just turned out the light and like usual my mind started to wander from this to that as I began to relax and drift to sleep. Out of nowhere it hit me- I’m 30! I was sort of stunned by it, kind of like when you learn something about a person you never would have guessed and you are speechless. Apparently I said it out loud because I remember hearing Don next to me say “Congratulations.”
I guess I’ve always thought that when you reach your 30’s your supposed to feel like an adult. I don’t. I still feel like a kid most of the time (and probably act like one too). I look at others around me who have the life that I suppose most women in our society expect to have by the time they are 30: children, a home, circle of friends that you spend time with on a regular basis, roots. Don and I just don’t fall into that category. He’s always saying that we are weird because we choose to do things in a different order than a lot of people our age, and he’s right. Here we are 30 and in the middle of starting over! He went on to encourage me and remind me of all that is to come in our life and the plans and goals we have as individuals and as a couple. It was very reassuring and I started to feel my anxiety slip away.
I still don’t know where I fit in (and deep down inside maybe I still hope that people think I look 23), but I think I’m going to like being 30. It’s kind of like a fresh start. I still have 9 years and 9 months to make the most of it. I think I’ll start now.