Collecting my thoughts

Today I was scrolling through my blogroll when I came across one of my favorite blogs: pendrops.  I’ve never been a poet or a writer- I feel pretty inadequate most of the time actually, but I admire others for their gift and often collect their thoughts and words when they speak to where I am at the time.  I’ll self-disclose a little and tell you that the last few years over here have been tough on me, my relationship with God and what I used to think that meant, even my marriage at times.  I feel out of touch with the Body and my place in it.   It has been so long since I have been able to enjoy fellowship and worship with believers I actually grieve for it at times.  I can tell that I have become harder even cautious, and I ‘m not sure yet what that means.  I know that I still have the hunger and the desire to learn and understand truth, but I wonder if I’ll be able to open my soul in truth and humility and allow others to see what’s really there.  In the past, it’s only left me wounded.   For now, I’ll keep on collecting poems like the one below and other people’s words making them my prayer, as long as God continues to bless others with the words I don’t have.  It seems that when I do, God reveals a new truth about Him, my life and what living and loving is really all about. 

O persistent God,

deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle.

Pressure me that I may grow more human,

not through the lessening of my struggles,

but through an expansion of them…

Deepen my hurt

until I learn to share it and myself openly,

and my needs honestly.

Sharpen my fears until I name them

and release the power I have locked in them

and they in me.

Accentuate my confusion

until I shed those grandiose expectations

that divert me from the small, glad gifts

of the now and the here and the me.

Expose my shame where it shivers,

crouched behind the curtains of propriety,

until I can laugh at last

through my common frailties and failures,

laugh my way toward becoming whole.

~Ted Loder, Guerrillas of Grace


2 thoughts on “Collecting my thoughts

  1. Thanks for the pendrops props. Isn’t that prayer heart-stopping and heart-quickening, all at the same time. I want to pray it and I don’t…know what I mean?

    First off, let me say I’m so glad I found to put it simply. You convey your thoughts and emotions effectively and compelling-ly (not sure that’s a word)…and your photography is incredible!

    I also wanted to give a word of encouragement…my parents currently live in the UK on a work assignment and have struggled much the way you have with living in another country. They feel completely out of touch with the Body, too, among other frustrations and discombobulations. In all their time in the UK, they have never gotten ok with it. And that’s ok.

    Hang in there and thanks again for givin’ a shout out to pendrops!

  2. Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement. I really needed to hear that!

    Also, thank you for allowing me a window into your life. I really take to heart a lot of what you have to say.

    Oh, and I’ve got to be completely honest with you- I collect pictures too. 🙂



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